Wednesday, March 05, 2008

How White Am I?

Roger points me in the direction of the funny social commentary at Things White People Like. And, inspired by the non-white Roger's admission of liking some of these ostensibly dorky things, I thought I'd catalogue which of the things white people like I like. So:

#81 Graduate School
Yes. I have an MA in English and I'm not sure why. I started it because my company at the time was paying for it. But I only took one class before leaving for greener (but less tuition-reimbursement-happy) pastures.

#80 The Idea of Soccer
No. Never played it and don't particularly care for it, or that America is seemingly alone in not loving it.

#79 Modern Furniture
No. Ick. I like classic or old-fashioned furniture. Amish-made, solid, handcrafted stuff. Hate modern furniture.

#78 Multilingual Children
No. I've nothing against kids learning more than one language, but don't feel passionately that they must.

#77 Musical Comedy
Lord yes. As any regular reader knows.

#76 Bottles of Water
Ugh. I hate buying bottles of water. Very silly thing to do, unless one is thirsty and there is no convenient supply of tap available (at a park, say, where the pretzel guy has water but there are no fountains.). That being said, I hate water. So . . . flavorless.

#75 Threatening to Move to Canada
Nah. Like any good American I get frustrated by the guvment, but never enough to threaten leaving.

#74 Oscar Parties
Yes. Never been but love the idea in theory. If the Oscars were on a Superbowl timeframe, I;d have one. But a Sunday party at 8? Just doesn't work.

#73 Gentrification
No. I'm a suburb guy.

#72 Study Abroad
No. Never saw the draw.

#71 Being the only white person around
No. Sad to say, but I have no compulsion to travel to China and eat in a restaurant where I'm the only pale whitey there.

#70 Difficult Breakups
No. Never dated much, frankly.

#69 Mos Def
No. He was OK in Hitchhikers Guide; other than that, I'm nonplussed. Oh wait - I did very much like his "America" on the West Wing finale.

#68 Michel Gondry
Yes. Well; Sunshine and John Malkovich. Don't think I've seen any others.

#67 Standing Still at Concerts
Yes. But that's because I dance like a, well, white guy.

#66 Divorce
No. Not fun.

#65 Co-Ed Sports
Sure - it's fun to play with the wimmin folk too.

#64 Recycling
Yes. But I'm not much of an evangelist for it.

#63 Expensive Sandwiches
Yes. Guilty as charged. I love a fancy samwich, with sun-dried tomatoes, and high-falutin' mayos.

#62 Knowing What’s Best for Poor People
No. I don't pretend to know what it's like to be poor, or the best way for poor people to stop being poor.

#61 Bicycles
Of course. Who doesn't like a nice bike ride. And for kids they're indispensable.

#60 Toyota Prius
Nah. I'm a "buy used and drive it into the dirt" kind of guy.

#59 Natural Medicine
An emphatic no. I'm a hard science guy; no quakery for me, thanks.

#58 Japan
No. No interest in going, and don't have any real interest in Japanese films, music, comics.

#57 Juno
Yes. Thought it was great.

#56 Lawyers
No - not if it can be avoided. That it takes a lawyer to buy a house irks me to no end.

#55 Apologies
Yes. I apologize often.

#54 Kitchen Gadgets
Yes. And I take the extra-bleached step of never actually using them.

#53 Dogs
Yes. Cute and good companions.

#52 Sarah Silverman
Yes. I'm not a huge fan, but she makes me laugh.

#51 Living by the Water
Oh yes. A dream of mine - a big ol' vacation house on a lake in New Hampshire.

#50 Irony
Of course. It's hard-wired.

#49 Vintage
No. I hate old stuff. Clothes, antiques. none of it.

#48 Whole Foods and Grocery Co-ops
No. too much work and not worth the price. I shop at a regular grocery store and shop sales.

#47 Arts Degrees
The aforementioned MA has me guilty.

#46 The Sunday New York Times
Yes. In theory. In practice, I read some of the front and sports pages, much of the arts section, and hope the magazine has an article I'm interested in.

#45 Asian Fusion Food
No. Haven't tried it, at least.

#44 Public Radio
No. I tried This American Life on podcast and got bored.

#43 Plays
Yes. I do have a BA in Theater Arts.

#42 Sushi
No. Bland and non-filling.

#41 Indie Music
No. Too much to wade through - I need a bigger filter.

#40 Apple Products
Yes. But I haven't switched from a PC yet.

#39 Netflix
Yes; but I switched a few years back to its cheaper copycat, Blockbuster online, to take advantage of a cheaper price and in-store rentals.

#38 Arrested Development
Yes, but haven't gotten around to season two yet.

#37 Renovations
Yes; not that we've gone down that road yet. But the idea of adding to my house is appealing.

#36 Breakfast Places
Yes. I LOVE a good breakfast place. I miss the Le Peep in Morris County terribly.

#35 The Daily Show/Colbert Report
No. On too late, and on too often to TiFaux.

#34 Architecture
No. Boring as hell.

#33 Marijuana
No. Never tried, never will.

#32 Vegan/Vegetarianism
No. Meat is just too good.

#31 Snowboarding
No. Too expensive.

#30 Wrigley Field
No. Never been to Chicago; and if I do go, I won't be stopping by. Don't care about the Cubs.

#29 80s Night
No. The 80s music that gets played is mostly the bad 80s music.

#28 Not having a TV
Never. I LOVE TV.

#27 Marathons
Yes; in theory. I have a bad knee (and I am lazy). But I ran cross country in high school and always wanted to run a marathon one day.

#26 Manhattan (now Brooklyn too!)
No. I like the occasional visit, but mostly I'm happy in the suburbs.

#25 David Sedaris
Yes. Funny.

#24 Wine
No. I'm a teetotaler.

#23 Microbreweries
No. Ibid.

#22 Having Two Last Names
No. Confusing. And where does it end? If I give my daughter two last names and she marries one day and wants to hyphenate . . .

#21 Writers Workshops
No. I didn't find the workshop aspect of my writing classes all that useful.

#20 Being an expert on YOUR culture
No; I'm an expert on no cultures, and make no pretensions otherwise.

#19 Traveling
No. Expensive. Sure, there are places I'd like to see one day, but not tons of them, and I may never get to see them.

#18 Awareness
No. Awareness is overrated.

#17 Hating their Parents
No. My parents are all right.

#16 Gifted Children
Yes. I do fervently hope that my kids will turn out gifted. And yes, I know this is dumb.

#15 Yoga
No. Beyond my ken.

#14 Having Black Friends
No. Although, I don't have many friends, period, being something of an introvert.

#13 Tea
No. I like a cup of tea fine, but that's about the extent of it.

#12 Non-Profit Organizations
No. I'm pretty apathetic, is the truth of the matter.

#11 Asian Girls
No. I'll admire a pretty Asian girl as much as a pretty white girl, but have no special affinity.

#10 Wes Anderson Movies
No. I liked Tanenbaums and Rushmore fine, but that's about it.

#9 Making you feel bad about not going outside
Yes. I get cabin fever pretty quickly, and look in suspicion on those who don't like being outside.

#8 Barack Obama
No. Not in love.

#7 Diversity
No. Just can't get too worked up about it.

#6 Organic Food
No. Not worth the price.

#5 Farmer’s Markets
No. Ibid.

#4 Assists
As a Net and Kidd fan, yes.

#3 Film Festivals
No. My tastes tend towards the populist, not the super-arty.

#2 Religions their parents don’t belong to
No. Not a fan of religion at all.

#1 Coffee
A thousand times yes. I am well and truly addicted.

My final tally? 28 Ayes and 53 Nays, which makes me only 35% white. Not sure what it makes me 65% of though.

Until Whenever


Roger Green said...

You're a SOUL MAN!

Tosy And Cosh said...

I think we need more categories. I suspect my percentage on the "Things Black People Like" blog would be even less. ;)

Tosy And Cosh said...

I think we need more categories. I suspect my percentage on the "Things Black People Like" blog would be even less. ;)

R.A. Porter said...

Alright, I've got one question about your list. You say you miss the Le Peep in Morris County. Iff (you can see my math/science/logic background with *that*) that was part of this chain of restaurants, either we've got a bum one here in AZ or you're just plum loco! You're in Jersey, man! Home of some of the greatest greasy 24-hour diners on the planet!

Tosy And Cosh said...

r.a. - It IS the same chain, but I've only sampled the one franchise. I love me my 24-hour Jersey greasy diner breakfasts as much as the next guy, but I can still get those where I am now. I had a serious jones for the Le Peep corned beef hash skillet thing, and THAT you can't get in a good greasy diner.

R.A. Porter said...

Hmm. Alright, I don't know if I've ever tried their corned beef hash skillet, but now that an authority - ie: someone who knows what a diner *is* - has talked it up, I'll have to give it a go!

And I counted mine up, finally. 41 ayes to 40 nays. I'm just over half-white. Of course, as soon as they post my submission to them - Paul Shirley, 'cause what white person doesn't love the benchwarming, blogging, doofy white guy on a basketball team - I'll become even more white.

Tosy And Cosh said...

As far as breakfasts go, I actually prefer small luncheonettes to big diners - they tens ot have way better pancakes. Used to be a great one in Boonton that, alas, closed.

R.A. Porter said...

Good point about pancakes. There's a great little pancake place near me. Insanely busy on the weekend. Fortunately, it's close to work, so I drop in during the week when I've got a craving.

What I love about diners is going very late, after a night of drinking (which I'm too old for now) and getting something really greasy and rich like liver and eggs, or a patty melt with fries and a shake. Man, that sounds good right now.

And I now realize this thread's been jacked by breakfast food. We white people really *do* like Breakfast Places!

Tosy And Cosh said...

Indeed. I'm always surprised by the fact that pancakes can vary so much in quality. I mean, they're so simple! And yet a really good pancake is hard to find.